No, I am not making that up...
Really......
OK, maybe likes is a bit of a strong word. "Wants-to-keep-me-from-going-insane-while-trying-to-keep-up-with-housework-and-school-schedules-and-piano-lessons-and-t-ball-practice-and-art-classes-and-Girl-Scout-meetings-all-while-trying-to-give-this-fledgling-writing-career-room-to-grow-and-maybe-even-flourish" is probably more accurate. (I know, this is every working mother's reality. But, I haven't had this reality since Lovely Girl was in diapers, so please bear with me.)
Back to laundry help. C isn't home much during the week, so on weekends he turns into a Laundry Finishing Machine... except when he runs into a speed bump: "Hey, Kim? Is this pile of clothes on the floor by the bed dirty or clean?" You would think the answer to this is obvious. You would be wrong.
Here's why: I try to at least get the laundry sorted before he gets home, and sometimes I even manage to throw a few loads in the washer, in between revisions. This means sometimes my rough drafts are a bit smudged by splashes from wet towels. This also means that there are anywhere from three to six piles of sorted clothing (a conservative estimate, of course), in various stages of cleanliness, scattered around the house at any given time, depending on where I had to drop them when, for example, I remembered that piano lessons would start in 15 minutes - and the studio is 20 minutes away...
Then, you have to add this wrinkle into the mix: sometimes they're clean, but piled on the floor because I ran out of laundry baskets to transport them. Sometimes they're dirty, but still in a laundry basket because I ran out of time to dump them in the washer. Sometimes they're clean, and in a basket, but I ran out of energy to get them folded. You get the idea.
So, I've taken the time to write up a new Household Laundry System. I'll just type this up, print it out, hand it to C, and everything will be hunky-dory.
I think.
Household Laundry System*
1. If clothes are in a laundry basket, then they're dirty... umm, well, not that one. Yeah, that one is the exception, see, 'cause it's right by the dryer, which means they're clean, and I got them out of the dryer, but forgot to fold them.
2. If clothes are on the floor in the kids rooms, they're dirty. ...Yeah, Yeah, I'm su- uh, well, they're dirty, unless certain small-type people, being the clothes-horses they are, tried on forty-two different outfits before finding one they were satisfied with this morning. In that case, they're clean, but those same small-type people developed the mysterious "Idonwannafoldit" virus, rendering them completely unable to fold them and put them back in the drawers. A visual inspection for dirt is advisable here.
3. If clothes are in a hamper, they're dirty. Right. No, I'm positive. Ooooohhh. Hmmm. Well, if it's my hamper, then they're definitely dirty. But, if it's a small-type person's hamper, then it could be that they're actually clean, but thrown in there because said small-type person developed a relapse of the mysterious "Idonwannafoldit" virus. Better do a smell check in that case.
4. If clothes are strewn on a couch or other seating surface, they're clean. It's just that I put them there to get them folded, then had to settle a dispute over who trespassed in whose room, then forgot what I was doing, and started to make dinner, instead. BUT, if said clothes belong to a small boy... well, again, better do a smell check.
5. If clothes are piled behind my big, comfy brown chair, they're dirty. Yes. I'm Positive. (See here for documentation, under section "Miraculously Appearing Clothes Pile.")
6. If clothes are sorted by color and type (dryer approved, or line dry only), and piled on my bedroom floor, they're dirty... No, that's it... Right... Yes, I'm sure... Well, if you wanna do another smell check, be my guest... Alright, then...
*System applies to unfolded clothing, only. All folded clothing should be assumed clean. Should you come upon folded clothing, do not do the smell test. Do not ask questions. Take it as a divine miracle, give thanks for the unexpected blessing, plop them in a drawer, and fogeddaboudit.
