I Will Not Go Gentle Into My Goodnight

I have made it no secret that I plan to be mildly difficult and candidly outspoken in my old age. And I plan to smile evilly as I do so, and giggle as I provoke the appropriate levels of exasperation in my loved ones. I have told my husband and children to be prepared for it, and at times I even get in a little practice. (So far, the kiddos are delighted. My husband...not so much.)

Well. I thought that just saying whatever I want and possibly bringing the occasional shock value to the conversation as I journey through my Golden Years would be fun. (And it will be. Oh yes.) I also thought that would be the extent of my mischief.

But then I read this article on MSN.com: 4 Body Quirks, Solved. It's all about four inevitabilities of aging that many view as, well, not necessarily plusses. And I agree that three of the four are none too desirable. But the fourth one...oh, the fourth one:

Digestion typically slows with age, giving bacteria extra time to transform your meals into hydrogen and methane. The gas itself may not behave as discreetly as it once did, either; in an older person, it tends to build up in the lower colon before making a sometimes rapid and noisy escape, says Karen Hall, M.D., Ph.D., an associate professor of medicine at the University of Michigan who specializes in geriatrics and gastroenterology. "There isn't necessarily more gas," she says, "but there's a higher potential for embarrassment."

Notice the article doesn't say whose embarrassment. 

Oooh! This is gonna be fun!