Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Home Sweet Home

In these increasingly troubling economic times, tomorrow's Little-Known Holiday makes me appreciate the fact that I can celebrate it all the more deeply. And I hope you are able to celebrate it, too.

Because tomorrow, December 3rd, is National Roof Over Your Head Day.



Monday, December 1, 2008

Cyber Monday Adventures

I know all about Black Friday - that frenzied day of rock-bottom prices and fantastic savings that is a total Thanksgiving tradition for my side of the family. But then this year, I started getting all these emails for something called "Cyber Monday." 

What? Cyber Monday? As if Black Friday isn't enough, now there's a dedicated day of savings for internet shoppers, too. (No, I did not make this up. Check it out on this Wikipedia page, and this Cyber Monday page.)

Since I still have Christmas shopping to do, I thought I might take advantage of this Cyber Monday thing. After all, I much prefer online shopping to in-store shopping. No lines. No crowds. No pushing. No shoving.

So, I fired up the computer, called in the kiddos, and got ready to surf. (They were off of school. First day of deer season. It's a PA thing.) Then,

"I can't see. Move over!" Push.

"No, you move. I was here first!" Shove.

"Well, it's my computer, so both of you stop crowding me."

Ahem.

On to Plan B. I shut down the computer, fired up the truck, piled in with the kiddos, and headed off to the good ol' brick-and-mortars. Not only did I find some great gifts and save shipping costs, but I also got some great blog fodder:

  • On the way to the mall, the kiddos and I got into a rapidly devolving conversation about geese. It started with, "Look! There are some geese!" Then we moved on to, "Did you know geese poop every twelve minutes?" And then finally we lurched into: "I bet geese poop while they fly. Flap! Flap! Flap! POOP!"
  • Not even halfway through our shopping list as we stood in line in a major department store, Handsome Boy and Lovely Girl started sniping at each other. We were right next to the lingerie section. I had a major brainstorm: "OK. If you two don't start behaving right now, I swear I'll get out of this line, go over there and do some bra shopping. And it may take a while. There's a sale." Problem solved.
  • Noshing on a soft pretzel snack break after the "lingerie incident," Lovely Girl - who's barely in the double digits - dropped this bomb: "So, when can I get a credit card?" Oh. My. Word. 
  • On the way home (and me still not quite recovered from the "credit card incident"), Handsome Boy summed up his three purposes for attending college: wearing pajamas to class, going to parties, and making lots of money when he's out. Lovely. Next time, I handle the college discussions...

Shopping. Always an adventure...no matter how you do it.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A Cautionary Tale

As we in the United States check off our to-do lists in preparation for our Thanksgiving holiday, I offer this council:

Beware the Pitfalls of "The Mental List."

I was inspired by this bit of wisdom as I went about my day today. Even though I had no hard and fast scheduled appointments, the plan was to rise at 5:30 AM, so I could be freshly showered, bright-eyed, and ready to dive into my to-do list before the kiddos were even up. 

Two hours and four alarm resets later (as usual), I'm hurrying into my clothes, pulling my hair through a ball cap, and herding my kiddos through their usual start to the school day. Once they were off, it was time to get to that list.

Thing is, I never wrote it down. It started with two things, so I figured there was no need to waste the paper. Even I couldn't forget a measly two things: an errand, and cleaning the house.

So, I hopped in the truck and set out to complete that errand. Thirty minutes later, mission accomplished. I got back in the truck, and while it warmed up, I started thinking. All that was left was to go home and clean the house.

"Cleaning" for me always begins with vacuuming, which caused me to remember that first I'd have to finish the three loads of laundry piled up on the carpet before I could vacuum. "Laundry" was then added to the mental list. 

Because I have to pass my kitchen to get to the laundry room, I remembered the quickly ripening bananas on my counter that I wanted to mush up and bake into banana bread before they went all black and yucky. "Bake banana bread" was next added to the list. 

Also on that counter was a bill I needed to pay. "Pay bill" dully added to the mental list. 

Since I pay my bills in the office, I was reminded of the many teeny sheets of paper with lists scattered on my desk - and by "scattered" I mean, of course, set about in a totally meaningful and organized fashion. Anyway, three of those lists were Christmas wish lists. Which reminded me I still have Christmas shopping to do. And since I was already out, I figured I'd better work on that a while, too. "Christmas shopping" was then added to the mental list.

So, with the truck sufficiently warmed up, I put it in gear and zoomed off to the store to cross a few goodies off the 'ol Christmas lists. Forty-five minutes later, I exit the store with some lovely surprises for under the tree. I loaded them in the back of the truck, and headed for home so I could finish the rest of that mental list.

On the way home from shopping, I mentally ticked off what I purchased and tried to remember what else I still want to find. Oh! There is that one store in town I need to go get the thing for the person (Haha. You thought I was gonna give something away, didn't ya?), so I resolved to take the appropriate exit. In the meantime, my mind wandered off to calculate how much time I had left before the bus would arrive to drop off my little lovelies from school.

WHOOSH! I blew right by my exit. Crud. It took me 5 extra miles to get to the next exit and backtrack to where I wanted to be. Despite the unexpected detour, I ended up finding what I wanted and getting home in plenty of time to meet the bus. So I unloaded my finds, grabbed a bit of lunch, and told myself I'd start cleaning as soon as I finished eating, then get to the bus stop. 

Well, it's not very entertaining talking to oneself at lunch, so I brought my food into the office. That way, I could do some online shopping at the same time and tie up some loose ends that came up during the brick-and-mortar shopping.

So, I'm clicking along, price-checking, fiddling with codes (hmmm...which is worth more: the fifteen percent off, or the free shipping), finding new ideas with every click. I was feeling pretty good until I shifted the papers on my desk to find the one I'd scribbled a code onto. Instead, I found one upon which was scrawled, "Pay bill."

WHOOPS! The bill! I dashed back out to the kitchen, grabbed the bill from the counter, went back to the office, and paid the bill online. And then I heard the bus. 

Crud! My surprises were still setting out in plain sight, and there wasn't enough time to put them away. So I threw a blanket over them, closed the office doors, and crossed my fingers that the kiddos hadn't yet reached that search-the-house-for-anything-suspicious stage that presents itself at this time of year. Happily, they hadn't, and they dutifully stayed away from the office.

So while they headed to the kitchen for a snack, I managed to finish my last online purchase (for now). Then I commenced with the next items on my mental list: Laundry. Vacuum basement. More laundry. Vacuum upstairs. Even more laundry. Vacuum kitchen. Oh, crud! The bananas! 

So, I started to get the dry ingredients measured for the banana bread, when the washer buzzed. I moved clothes from washer to dryer, and put a few in a basket. I hauled the basket upstairs to hang the clothes, then came back to finish the banana bread. I added the rest of the dry ingredients. Wait a minute. Where's the sugar? I know I measured it...Oh, crud! I did flour for the sugar. Managing to fix that, I held part of it aside to be added after the bananas. I blended in the bananas. Then I put in the eggs and the rest of the dry mixture.

Now, if you are a baker, you know that when dry ingredients are added, you have to start the mixer out slow, right? Well, just before I hit the switch, I remembered that I still needed to fix a dish for my part of Thanksgiving at my sister-in-law's tomorrow. As I added that to my mental list for tomorrow, I flipped the switch all the way up to "beat."

POOF! I was blasted in the face by an explosion of flour, baking power, baking soda, sugar, and salt as the mixer jolted into turbo mode. I hurried to shut it off again, but the damage was already done: the counter was coated in white powder, and so was I. 

So, here I am a few hours later. I'm sitting in my clean house. My errand is mentally checked off. My purchases are safely tucked away. The bill is paid. The laundry is done. The banana bread is cooling. And I'm thinking about that dish I have to make tomorrow. It's a garden salad. That's all I have to do. 

I don't really need to write that down.

Do I?


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Headline Humor

I found a few headlines today that just struck my funny bone, so I thought I'd share the silly. Go on and click on the links for the full stories.

From MSN.com:
Ewww. The article is all about unhealthy holiday foods - not funny, really, but that title is just such a visual...

From MSNBC.com:
I tell ya. This one had me giggling before I ever even read the article. Once I did read it, well... Let me put it this way: even my non-potty-humor-enjoying husband got a chuckle out of it.

Yes, really. Here's an excerpt: "According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff's Office, the 13-year-old boy 'continually disrupted his classroom environment' by intentionally breaking wind." Hmmm. I see a fartiste career in this boy' future...

This one is from back in September, but warrants a mention. The man was originally detained from a traffic stop which progressed to a breathalyzer test. But then the real fun began: "According to a criminal complaint, [the man] passed gas and made a fanning motion" toward a patrolman. Yep. Handsome Boy should be thanking his lucky stars there are no patrolmen in our house...

...and with a 12-gauge, no less. Kinda makes ya think twice about little Fluffy, now doesn't it?

So, that's it for me. Drop me a comment if you have any of your own to add...


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Book Review: "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" by Patricia Thomas

"Stand back," said the elephant,
"I'm going to sneeze!
I hate to alarm you,
But I don't wish to harm you.
My friends, I fear
It's clear....
Oh, dear,
You'd better stand back, I'm going to sneeze."



Summary:
The animals are much distressed to hear the elephant's warning that a sneeze is imminent. They entreat him not to do it, reminding him of what happened to each of them the last time he let a sneeze go. Though he is sympathetic to their plight, it doesn't seem to be working, and the elephant is nearly ready to sneeze. But then that age-old and unlikely elephant nemesis, the mouse, manages to stop the elephant's sneeze! The elephant is so amazed, he starts to laugh, and laugh and laugh...and when he does...look out!

For Teachers and Librarians:
Your young charges will delight in the silly situations, colorful illustrations, and charming rhymes in "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" It is a great addition to a poetry unit, a fun aside to an animals unit, and a much-requested storytime staple. Compare and contrast animal groups and their characteristics, let them find and list rhyming words from the text, do a class read-aloud and let the children chime in on favorite parts. Have them come up with animals not in the book, and let them work in groups to write rhymes and illustrate how the elephant's sneeze would affect the new animals. But above all, have fun, fun, fun reading this book!

For Parents, Grandparents and Caregivers:
"Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" is one fun book! Be prepared for your little ones to ask you to read this one over and over and over. Flowing rhymes, funny, colorful pictures, and a great story make this a book that has endeared itself to readers since 1971, and continues to do so - as you will soon find out once you introduce your small fries to it. Don't be surprised if they pull it out of your hands, and take over on their own.

For the Kids:
Did you ever wonder what would happen when an elephant sneezed? Well, if you read, "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" or have someone read it to you, you can find out. Here's a hint: bald bears, flying feathers, missing stripes and spots, and...well, you'd better get that book so you can see for yourself!

For Everyone Else:
If you were a tyke starting in the early 1970's, "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" may well be one of your most beloved books of the time. If you had tykes back then (kiddos or grands), you may remember the smiles and giggles this book brought to your little lovelies. If you're not any of those, get yourself a copy of this book, and see what all the fuss has been about. Then, make sure you get it into the hands of a little one you know. They will be forever grateful.

Wrapping Up:
"Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" is a true giggle-fest, and an enduring children's book classic. Find a copy, get reading, and join in the fun.


Title: "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!"
Author: Patricia Thomas
Illustrator: Wallace Tripp
Pages: 32
Reading Level: Ages 4-8
Publisher and Date: Lothrop, Lee and Shepard Books, 1990
Edition: Second
Language: English
Published In: United States
Price: $16.99
ISBN (trade): 0688093388
ISBN (library): 0688093396


Author Spotlight: Patricia Thomas

It is a writer's dream: Patricia Thomas' first published children's book - "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" (1971) - has never gone out of print. 

Raised on a small farm outside Grove City in western Pennsylvania, Mrs. Thomas' school teacher parents instilled in her a love of reading, and a curiosity about the world. She says,


"As a writer, you cannot afford not to be interested in everything. Because you write from total life experience. You don't know when you're going to pull something out of life experience."

After graduating from Penn State University with a BS in Journalism, Radio and Home Economics, she and her husband Edward (now deceased) moved to Philadelphia, where she worked as an ad copywriter for department stores. Later, they moved to Brigantine, NJ, where she wrote copy for Spencer's Gifts and began making up bedtime stories for her children. 

It was from those bedtime stories that Mrs. Thomas' first manuscript had its roots: "A Horse of a Different Color." When publishers didn't bite on it, she kept trying, and was rewarded when "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" was published by Lothrop, Lee & Shepard in 1971. Since then, she has gone on to write several other books, as well as hundreds of articles and stories for children.

Patricia Thomas is a senior writer and editor in the communications and marketing department of Marywood University, and teaches classes through the Institute of Children's Literature. She lives in Carbondale, PA, and has 4 children, 14 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren. 

Sources:
Meet Patricia Thomas - Scranton Times interview by Josh McAuliffe
*This link no longer works, as of June 14, 2013
Book jacket blurb on "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" By 
     Patricia Thomas


Thursday, November 20, 2008

I Must Confess

Since November 21st is False Confession Day, I'll let you in on a few of mine:





False Confession #1: I have a pathological need to clean.

False Confession #2: I abhor bathroom humor.

False Confession #3: Chocolate makes me nauseous.

False Confession #4: I am not a total conspiracy theorist.

False Confession #5: It does not grate on my nerves in the least when someone says,
"nu-cu-lar."

False Confession #6: I am the picture of cheerfulness first thing in the morning.

False Confession #7: I have never succumbed to the uncontrollable urge to spin around to the left the exact same number of times I have just spun around to the right.


Well. That was fun, wasn't it? Now it's your turn: go on and drop me a comment with your own False Confessions...