A pen.
All I need is a pen.
Fortunately, I know right where one is. It's a bright, fushia, pink-type color, with these bumpy, turquoise rubber grips near the tip. It's shaped like a torpedo, with a silver clippy thing near the top, and it fits neatly in the palm of my hand. Very distinctive. Very unique from your usual, run-of-the-mill stick pen. Easy-peasy.
So, I go to my bag, digging right to the bottom, 'cause that's always where they settle to, right?
Dig, dig, dig. I know it's in here. I just used it this afternoon. Hmmm...there's the...no, that's not... Hey! Maybe this is...nope. Oh, here it... ewww! That's not it. CRAP! Where is that thing?
I spent probably 5 minutes rooting around in that silly bag.
"Where. Is. That. PEN???"
Finally, I resorted to that tried-and-true Teacher Approach. You know, the one where you had a messy desk, and your teacher had finally had enough of seeing a desk that looked like it was perpetually throwing up, so she dumped it all out on the floor, and then you had to organize it and toss all the trash and put all your stuff minus the trash and questionable bagels back neatly in the desk?
No?
That was just me?
Oh.
Well, anyway - WHUMP!
OK, now we're talkin.' Hmmm... let's see: grocery coupon, first aid kit, empty baggie that used to be my first aid kit, grocery receipt, another grocery coupon, list of kid's books I want to read to see what the market's like these days, cell phone, check book, coupons and receipts stuffed in said check book, black pen (nope - I need the purplish-pink one, dang flabbit!), PDA (oh, yes, well, I'm organized - it's just my bag that's not), napkins from wiping the seemingly permanent chocolate cookie ring from around my little man's mouth (where does he get those things?), 6 poetry books I'm thinking of choosing from for my Friday book review, Osh Kosh coupons, wallet, little notebook (in case I get an idea for the blog), box of gum (empty), prescription (I wondered where I put that), dime, comb, mirror, children's Tylenol (hmmm... how much of that does it take to get an adult dose?), cell earpiece case (I'm assuming the earpiece is actually still in there), another black pen, more kids' Tylenol (oops, no, that's an empty), plastic hanger from my son's shoe purchase (They're not Crocs, Mommy, they're holey shoes)...
Ah HA! Found it. (Don't bother looking - it was under all that stuff and totally not visible. But trust me, it was there.)
Now I can...I can... Oh, crud. Why did I want this pen, again?
