...our junk email boxes.
Yep. We don't even have to open the darn things to see the treasure trove of solutions they must each contain.
I can see you're skeptical. OK, let's take a look at the titles from my junk email box over just the last week. Then you can judge for yourself.
First, I can have financial success:
- Save Big on Paper! Well. What writer doesn't need that?
- I Found You a New Job! - Hmmm. I didn't even know I was looking for a new one, but this must be just what I (wasn't) looking for.
- Make Your Debt Disappear - 30 Second App. Thirty seconds. Thirty seconds to total financial freedom! Who knew?
- Quit Your Boring Job and Be a Google Millionaire! Wow. Nobody told me my job was boring, and I certainly didn't know Google was handing out boucou cash. I'd better get clickin'.
- Your Underground Cash Invitation. Great! Those underground folks are so much more generous than the ones up top. I never get cash invitations in the land of the light.
- Future Millionaires Wanted. Really? And they sent the email to me? Yes! They must know something I don't. I love omniscience. Especially when it leans in my favor.
Second, I can improve myself physically:
- Enlarge Your (HmmmHmmmm). Oh. Ummm...Yeah...See, I don't have one of those...but I must need to...er...enlarge it.
- Add Inches to Your (HmmmmmHmmmm) GUARANTEED. Well, this is the second one this week. Do they know something I don't? Maybe I should go check...hold on...nope. Don't have one of those. I guess even junk mail gets the wrong address occasionally.
- No Botox Facelift. Facelift? I didn't know my face had fallen...I'll have to go find it and pick it up once we're done here.
- Lose 20 Pounds in 20 Days. Now this one sounds interesting, but I only need to lose five. I wonder if I can pass the loss of the other 15 on to someone else. Let me know if you want 'em...
- Flat Stomach Pill. Imagine! All this time, all I needed was this one measly pill. Click...
And most importantly, I can improve my social status:
- Greetings to You From Mr. Chan. Hey! Already I've got a brand new friend just waiting to be contacted.
- Movie Extras, Actors, Models Needed. Needed! And they sent the invitation to me! Obviously, my reputation precedes me...
See? Was I right, or was I right? Now, what are you waiting for? Go open those junk mail boxes and start improving your life...today.